Who Am I? Why blog?

How am I doing in my real life?
I'm not really an extrovert person in real life but I'm happy and fun to be with. I'm funny, I love to smile and laugh. I make stupid jokes.

I don't have best friend because I was brought up by my mother in a way I could say just different than other parent. So, i don't talk about my personal life to people around me. I keep my secret to myself no matter how i struggle in life. Besides, after graduating and married, I'm mostly at home, and my husband has a small business that could offer me a job from home. Occasionally, i would go out only with two person, Zura and Syahir.

Writing was only up to SPM, beyond that, i don't do anymore essay. Neither my English or Bahasa Melayu is good. I stayed in Indonesia almost a decade. When i write in bahasa, i struggle to maintain the language and the spelling. It will turn out like bahasa baku. Yeah, like my first post...

Gua bisa bangat ngomong bahasa indonesia, keren gak sich? Buset yach ngapain juga gw ngucapin ini semua, kagak ada yg ngerti. Beneran deh, gw ini anak gaul Jakarta.

No no, not going into this language...

Why writing anonymously?
I don't like being judge especially about infertility in my real life. u cant say much to people around u, they will have different opinion that you might not like and you will not able to stand for yourself because he or she is your parents or siblings that already has billion babies with tons of experiences. In my opinion, infertility is really personal matter. Imagine having this conversation.

Makcik A: Dah ada isi ke?
Me: Belum
Makcik A: Tunggu apa lagi, cepatlah, nanti dah tua susah.
Me: Saya dan suami ada masalah.
Makcik A: Masalah apa?
Me: Berudu suami saya tak boleh berenang. Rahim saya pulak banyak sangat telur belum matang nak kena peram lama sikit.
Makcik A: (Actually i dont know how this makcik would react if i answer her like this, hahahahah just some imagination that i dont want to happen in my life)

Seriously, i don't have intention to give 100% positive support to other TTC because I'm just a human that is struggling to keep myself in one piece. Maybe there are times i feel so down, that i want to write about killing my doctor or thinking about sending my husband's sperm to swimming lessons. basically, i write what i feel like writing. Take benefits with what u feel that is good about it, or laugh at my problem because i don't know u in my life.

I blog because i have read so many from the internet. It keeps me mentally healthy (sound selfish here). You will never know how u would die, maybe by hyper-stimulation of your ovary (see negative thinking). Actually i just want to tell someone out there that I'm doing this thing called battle of infertility. How long this war going to take? I don't know.